While I may be accused of many things, understanding–and using–technology is not one of them.

Lord only knows how long I’ve had my old flip phone.  I do not text.  It does not take pictures.  My GPS is made of paper, unfolds and has lot of lines on it.  I use my ancient IPad for only one thing.  When I am traveling I stop at McDonalds because I know they have wifi and I know how to access it to check my email.

When I am in a restaurant I am not looking at some electronic device to check Twitter because I do not tweet, nor know what it is.

So you get the picture.

Which brings me to why I write.  I get TV and internet service from Spectrum.  I have been a loyal and faithful customer since 2015.  Have always paid my bills on time.  I have the basic TV package, none of the add ons I hear about.

I just paid my latest bill for $163.41.  Checking my checkbook (yes, I still write checks and put them in a stamped envelope) I find that my check to them on July 12, 2018 was $98.67.  Hardly a math whiz, I did nonetheless figure that is a jump of 65 percent in 14-15 months.  Which is ridiculous to this old man.

So this afternoon I spend 20 minutes on the phone with a Spectrum customer service lady (yes, I did actually get a human on the phone after punching a few buttons to let them know I was not calling about having flat feet, ingrown toenails or a cat that claws the furniture.)

I wanted to know what I could do to lower my monthly bill.  I learned that I am paying $12.99 a month for a box that plays something called a DVR.  I have never used it.  The lady tells me that if I unhook it and take it to the local Spectrum store, I can save $12.99 each month.  I tell her don’t even know where this contraption is and that since one of her technicians obviously installed it, they can come get it.

She tells me it will cost $49.99 for the technician to do that.

Then she tells me that she has found a way to save a few dollars on my internet–but this will require new equipment that I can pick up at their store and install myself.  To  me, this  is like going to the dentist, learning I have a tooth that needs filling and the dentist handing me some teeth-working-on-tools and saying “Have at it.”

Then the lady tells me that if a technician comes to my house, he can remove the DVR box and install the new internet equipment at the same time and I only have to pay for one visit.

I tell her that I have been a loyal customer, have always paid my bill on time and feel that I am being had.  All she says  is, “I understand.”  I also tell her to relay to Spectrum management that they are idiots.  Again, “I understand.”

So one morning this coming week a technician is supposed to show up, at my expense, and make changes that will save me about a few dollars each month.

No doubt, he will use a GPS to find me.

Yep, the world has passed me by.