The only sound in my bedroom comes from the clock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock.
Second by lonely second, time comes and goes. And in that exact moment, somewhere in this world a baby drew their first breathe and someone breathed their last one. While all of us caught between these two moments are left to wonder what the hell is going on, how long will it last, what should we do next, what does it all mean. And perhaps most importantly, who can we trust and believe?
It is infuriating that so many who wish to be judged as “leaders” can’t make a decision, any decision, without calculating its impact on their political future. That instead of carefully considering all the facts that can be rounded up and moving forward, they are eager to point their finger at someone else and disavow their own incompetence.
We are left to cope with this very bad dream each in our own way.
For me, life has come to a standstill. I search for any meaning for any day. Why should I get out of bed? To take the Handful of medicatio0ns I take each morning? To watch TV news that shows me more of what I saw the day before? To surf my cable channels and see things I’ve never bothered to watch before? To rattle around the internet stopping by sites I’ve been to a 100 times or more?
My motivation is shot. Non-existent. Does anything mean anything these days?
I stay in my little house in Montgomery. Twice this week I’ve gone to a local restaurant for take out. I do it more as a gesture than as a need. My own feeble attempt to say “thank you” to those who are trying to survive.
I’d probably never used hand sanitizer until three weeks ago. I now wear a mask when i go outside.
Trips to the gas station are few and far between. A HUGE change in my normal lifestyle. Last week I spent $100 at the grocery store. That was a first time ever. But then I’m not eating out two-three times a day.
My savings for retirement got whacked. Major whacked. It’s unlikely I will ever have that much money in the bank again ever.
But all in all, I am so much more blessed in these awful times than so many others. My thoughts and prayers go out to them every day. They are our inspiration. Truck drivers, teachers, health care workers, people stocking the shelves in grocery stores, etc.
God bless them all.